Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
