What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
