You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
