thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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