sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
