Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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