i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She needs sedatives and a leash
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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