So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
