why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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