its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
