Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
