Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
