Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
