Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
