so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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