im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Come share oat with me in your robe
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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