The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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