I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
