i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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