I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
