All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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