Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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