the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
