Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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