Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
