so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
