A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
