my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
