I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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