Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
