Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
