This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Floor bacon is actually really good
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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