You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
