yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
