I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
