Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
