I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
