she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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