I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
did you just send me my own nude
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
