Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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