Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
