I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
