If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
