mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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