i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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