Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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