i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
