John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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