Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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