I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
