I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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