How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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