I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fuck me I smell like cheese
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
