You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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