My first STD was from a foam party
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
