Your dad touched me again.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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