the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
