the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
