Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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