That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I love having hate sex.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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