i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
