So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
my liver is dry heaving
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
