woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
