***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
