I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
