I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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