Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
