Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
