I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize