Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
ttyl tear gas
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
