Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
