It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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