So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
