I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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