You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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