and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
