turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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