party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
